Courage Is a Complete Plan
How the same capacity that creates great relationships creates great businesses
Is there really that much of a difference between falling in love and being an entrepreneur? That’s been my question of the week.
I’m remembering how similar they are right now as I navigate some big new relational waters that have me taking lots of big deep breaths.
When vulnerability is maxed and certainty is not on the map…
When everything feels so aligned and magical and possible and filled with real life problems and also with so much data from the past that seems to say, this probably won’t end well, don’t get your hopes up…
When it’s better than you ever could have imagined and somehow that’s scarier than when it “wasn’t working,” and you’re so afraid you might lose it or fuck it up or it just won’t work out and the potential heartbreak of that almost makes you want to just quit now…
When you don’t have immediate validation that things are “working” or going your way and you just have to sit in it all and feel all your feelings and hold yourself in all your feelings but then also move through it and show back up as if it is all working, confident and back in your body…
Even as I type it all out, I’m not even sure if I’m talking about my love life or my business. It could be either depending on the moment you catch me in!
All of this has made me remember that creative entrepreneurship done correctly does perfectly mirrors falling into epic great love… which makes me wonder if this is why more people don’t do it, or can’t stay in it when they try to start a business.
It’s terrifying and exhilarating and filled with so much potential and possibility, and that is always a bit dysregulating — every single time you push a new edge, try a new thing, or risk a new reinvention, it’s a new moment of falling, and for those of us who don’t have the kind of innate sense of being securely attached that comes from a near perfect childhood, that’s scary!
Did you know that 85% of coaches do not make it past the first 12 months of their business, and 83% don’t make it past the first two years?
It’s no wonder. The game of personal branding and the vulnerability it brings up and requires mixed with the uncertainty of entrepreneurship requires an immense multi-layered capacity. And without doing the work to create an earned secure attachment with your work, your business, the Universe, or money, it’s more than scary — it’s nearly impossible to hold.
Who would choose this?!?!?
A huge part of me thinks it’s crazy, but I do choose it. I choose it every single time, and more than that, I think it’s worth choosing.
What’s the alternative? Really, I invite you to ask yourself this.
I bring my clients back to this a lot. Every single time they have a hard day in entrepreneurship or things get scary, I invite them to pause and check in — “Are you still choosing this?”
They often get a bit bratty with me. They like to tell me that there is no other choice, that they are unemployable, or that they aren’t really sure that they do want to keep choosing this crazy thing we do if it means feeling all these feelings!
“Ok, let’s put quitting on the table then. What’s the alternative? And, more importantly — would it make you happy?”
That sobers them up real quick, because they know it wouldn’t.
They’ve all tried it before. They’ve tried the corporate jobs, the nine-to-five weekday schedule with two weeks of vacation, the life that seems to be primarily focused on biding your time and surviving until retirement.
They want freedom, they want to put their soul’s work out into the world, they want to have an impact, they want to risk mediocre for holy shitballs amazing.
They just forget that those desires come at the cost of a higher level of emotional intensity, risk, and requirement of way more personal development work than the average person would ever do.
Because to weather this storm, we do have to learn how to create secure attachment inside ourselves.
We have to learn how to self-soothe in healthy ways.
We have to learn how to hold the parts of us that are frozen and panicking and angry and resentful of responsibility and think it’s dangerous to get what you most want.
We have to work on all our wounds around worthiness, neediness, desirability, likability and lovability.
We have to risk not being liked by some, disappointing others, and being attacked or made fun of in order to actually be able to find our people.
It’s a lot, and for some, it’s not worth it. I get that. I will never try to talk anyone into staying if they truly get real with themselves and decide that it’s not worth it, and that they do want to choose something else.
But for a lot of others? They are just scared, and they haven’t found the right support yet, support that can help them create a powerful relational dynamic with their business, develop earned secure attachment, learn to let in all the good without it being a threat, learn to risk heartbreak because truly being in love with your life and your work is worth it.
Those are my people. I choose them every time.
“No part of me wants to leave,” I told the man I’m dating last week as we openly discussed how wildly uncertain and rather terrifying all of this is. “I choose this.”
I didn’t even have to check in with myself about that one, because I know who I am.
I am the woman who will always choose the terrifyingly aligned and healthy thing that risks much and requires work over the easier, safe thing that doesn’t stretch me in any way.
I refuse to choose fear over love.
I refuse to choose comfort over alignment.
I refuse to get small when big feels scary.
I will never see magic and turn away out of fear that it might not last. This is my greatest superpower in life and in business.
Maybe it’s the hopeless romantic in me. I don’t ignore the signs. I never ignore my knowing. I don’t settle for okay or even could be worse. I choose courage when I’m most terrified, and I keep walking toward what could be even when nothing in guaranteed.
And while some might say this has never worked out that well for me in my love life as I am not in fact currently partnered, I would disagree. Continuing to learn and grow is a win. Not settling is a win. Continuing to try is a win.
I wish more people had this view on business. We shouldn’t be white-knuckling it and surviving it, but also… it’s worth it to keep going.
That has certainly worked for me in business, not because I’m “different” or I’m not as scared as you are every time there’s a new skill, a new edge, a new pivot, a new growth opportunity. I’m scared shitless most of the time.
I just learned to breathe through it, and stay in the game.
Needed this. Thank you. 💚